A Mom With Migraines

I have managed chronic migraines since I was in elementary school, learning to cope in various ways throughout various stages of life. When I was in grade school that looked like going to the school nurse to go home for the day. In college that meant, emailing my professor that I wouldn’t be in class that day. When I worked full-time, I utilized all of my sick leave and much of my vacation leave to sit in a dark room of my apartment in silence. Notice a common theme? Most of my migraine days through life involve retreating to a dark and silent room, without movement, and taking prescription abortive medication to fight the pain. As a mom of two small children, that is rarely an option anymore. While I have been fortunate for the better part of 1.5 years, Jamari has been teleworking for pandemic reasons, he isn’t always available to provide the level of supervision a four year old and 2 year old require while working. If still given the opportunity, I will take my prescribed migraine abortive and retreat to my bedroom but for the days that isn’t possible, and other parents scouring the internet for how to survive a migraine attack with young children this post is for you!

I suffer from migraine with aura, so I have a precursor that the pain is going to happen. The second that my vision begins to change into blurred, tunnel, or pixelated I medicate swiftly with over the counter migraine medication (Excedrin Migraine and Benadryl to ward off the nausea). I would fall asleep with my prescribed migraine abortive, so I can’t take that until I am able to guarantee that the kids can be supervised while I nap. If I am home, and a shower is an option, I hop into the hot shower and immediately apply ice when I get out. I put my headphone headband on (because ear buds would be too loud for a migraine) and listen to calming music or white noise under my headache hat. I own 4 headache hats and swear by them as my migraine tool. They wrap around your head or neck so you get ice therapy from all angles. Once I have taken my medicine, taken a hot shower, have on my headphones, and wear my headache hat, I am ready to take on the pain.

My kids have an understanding that when I say I have a migraine, their volume needs to decrease, the iPads are going to come out, screen time rules go out the window, and we are going to have a relaxing day. I usually set myself up in a central spot of the house that requires little movement for myself but allowing the kids to still play with their toys. For us, that looks like being in the living room where I can lay on the couch and the kiddos can move freely around the house with me being able to watch them. That’s where I ride out the migraine until nap time or bedtime whichever comes first. Before the pain kicks in, I set up a few things for my kids to do if they get bored of their iPads; a coloring station, the kinetic sand, some snacks on the table, and fill their water cups. I don’t worry about any messes that can happen, I’ll deal with it when I feel better. Audrey doesn’t nap anymore, but has a routine quiet time built into her day. She also is old enough to understand that I am out of commission and in pain, so she compliantly goes into her bedroom for quiet time while Maxwell takes his nap in his crib and I retreat to the silence and darkness of my bedroom for a nap. Luckily for me, my migraines last 4-6 hours unlike many people who suffer for 3 days.

Migraines are miserable for anyone who suffers but logistically a nightmare for parents. It is impossible to give your best to children when you are in pain, nauseous, unable to see clearly, and are audio and visually sensitive. It can also become a safety issue if you are dizzy, have no vision, or the pain is too intense to stand; on those days I succumb to not being able to do it and am fortunate to have a partner who understands that and either takes a day of leave or makes adjustments to his day to make things work. There have been many times that Jamari wasn’t available or home, and I had to call in a babysitter to assist. It is completely acceptable to admit your superhero parenting abilities require help sometimes and that you need to call in reinforcements. If it is something as simple as getting delivery for dinner, hiring a sitter for a few hours, renting a movie the kids haven’t seen before, or downloading a new game for an hour of silence; do it freely and without guilt.

Parenting with migraines is disheartening at times because I feel as if my children are being forced to suffer with me at times and not getting the Mom that they deserve, but that is usually the migraine talking. There is no guilt in suffering from something I have no control over, and I do my best to give them all of me on the days I feel healthy and well. The understanding of both of my children is remarkable, they understand that I have migraine days, and will not be able to do all that I normally do. That on those days, things may be different and meals will be likely delivered, there will be more screen time, I will be wearing my headache hat, we won’t have lights on, and I will ask a million times to “use our migraine voice”. Audrey has even begun setting me up with a bottle of water, a garbage pail, and giving me her own blankets as a source of comfort when I inform her I am not feeling well. Children understand much more than we give them credit for, and this has become part of their growing up. I have always been honest with them about migraines, the chances of them inheriting them are 50%, so I want them to understand that although incredibly painful, I am ok and I will be ok once the migraine disapates. I don’t want the event to be scary for them, and they happen so frequently within our life that they are very aware of what migraine days look like for us.

A few migraine facts from migraine.com; “39 million people in the US suffer from migraines. Women have a higher risk of migraines, more than 8 out of 10 sufferers are women. Migraines can be inherited, if one parent suffers there is a 50% chance the child will get them, that raises to 75% if both parents suffer. 9 out of 10 people can not work or preform daily activities during a migraine attack.”